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27-Apr-2021
anxiety’s been getting worse lately
i was fine for a while , but my anxiety is just starting to come back to me hard , i quit my job about two months ago and i haven’t done anything since, i got into a car accident, and i’ve just been drinking and smoking and trying to take it day by day because i can’t work right now due to home issues. but the alcohol and weed definitely are making the days fade into each other. i haven’t been drinking lately though, i threw up too much the past month. and i keep thinking about my ex , when i really shouldn’t be , it’s been over a year since we broke up , but she meant so much to me and i was over her for a while but , she’s just someone i feel like i’ll never “get over”, because it was that true love. but i tried moving on but i started drinking and smoking after the last girl i talked to, which just isn’t good, i just keep getting these awful feelings of anxiety and nausea. i don’t really like to talk to my friends about it because they could be judge mental, so venting here might make me feel better. idk, i’ve just been listening to music, getting high and trying to get my life back on track but it’s hard sometimes, i also worry about my mother’s health, she’s so dependent on me and it’s so hard to carry her weight sometimes. god, life can be so hard , i don’t even feel capable of being a relationship because i feel emotionally unavailable, so i keep smoking weed, but the loneliness is hard to deal with sometimes, i can barely leave my house most days because of my anxiety and nauseous feelings, i feel bad for not even explaining all this to my friends and just never hanging with them, anyways, sorry , lot on my mind . if you read this far then thanks. i appreciate it 3
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